Sunshine and Sippy Cups

What Does it Mean to be a Brave Woman?

This post is a tough one for me to write. But the information is incredibly important, and I hope that you all share it with as many women as possible, so that this message, and this information, can reach women who need it. What I want to talk about is an amazing cause that I was recently introduced to, called Brave Woman.

“Leaving a life of domestic violence is a series of moment-by-moment decisions requiring brave choices and bold actions. It can be hard to believe in ourselves when we have been beaten down by circumstance.”

BraveWoman.org is a group that is dedicated to helping the 1 in 4 women who are affected by Domestic Violence – A place where you can share your own story without fear of being judged, a place where you can find support and encouragement to make a change in your life, a place to celebrate every Brave Woman who has overcome her situation.

Why this matters to me

I’ve put off writing this post for a couple of weeks – I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say about this topic. Then yesterday I read a post from a bloggy buddy of mine, Christy over at Insanity is Not an Option – My Story of Suffering in Silence. She is the bubbliest, sparkliest, happiest person around, and it surprised me to learn that she’d been through such difficult times in her life. The fact that she shared her personal story made me brave enough to share my own – and I then realized that this is what the Brave Woman campaign is all about. By sharing out stories, speaking out about this issue, and letting women know that they’re not alone, there’s not something “wrong with them”, that it CAN get better – it gives them the strength and support that they need to get out. It helps every woman be a Brave Woman.

This video is really powerful. You can see that Domestic Violence is something that can happen to anyone – young, old, black, white, rich or poor. And the tactics that the abusers use are similar in every case – they put you down, make you feel like you’re not worth anything better, and take away your strength to leave. Whether they use words to hurt you, or their fists, what they’re after is control, and too many of them get it.

My Story…

I met a guy when I was 18, and fell into what I thought was love right away. He was a good guy, but he got into drugs. He bought them, he sold them, and he was hooked on them. He had an anger problem, and the drugs pushed him over the edge too many times. I was young, and told myself the same excuses that a million other women have told themselves – “But I love him, ” and “I know he’ll change.” But he didn’t. After a very scary night that ended with me climbing out a bathroom window in my pajamas while he thought I was in the shower, running away alone at night, with no shoes, through a bad neighborhood, and the involvement of the police, I broke it off. But of course, he was sorry, and I went back. I went through this horrible cycle for years – it took the news that he had gotten another girl pregnant for me to finally leave.

I thought I had learned my lesson…

But I hadn’t. My next serious boyfriend took me down the same path. He didn’t do drugs, but he had major anger problems. I never knew what would set him off. I thought if I could do everything just right, things would be fine. But he would still corner me in a room, screaming at me for hours. Then one night I came home late, and he was angry. Before I knew what was happening, he had jumped out of bed, and knocked me to floor with a pillow, and continued to hit me with it for a long time. The next day I excused it – “I just made him mad. I shouldn’t have come home so late. It was just a pillow – it’s not like he hit me.” But once you get to that level, it doesn’t get better. Over the next few months it escalated. One night he pushed me out of his truck, and I had to go to the hospital for a sprained wrist. I wanted out. I kicked him out. But we worked together, had the same group of friends – no one knew what was going on, and they kept pushing me to stay with him. Then one night we went to a big local festival. I was dancing with a mutual friend of ours and he got angry. He punched me – in public, in front of his sister, our friends, and the crowds. I knew then that if he could do that in public, then it was going to get really bad the next time it was behind closed doors.

Learning to be Brave

I finally had a few friends who supported me in getting away, and that made all the difference in the world. When you have a friend in this type of situation, it can be so hard to understand why she doesn’t just leave. But most of these type of men are incredibly manipulative. I can look back now, and see it. I have no idea how I fell for the BS that I did. What you can do as a friend –

1. If you suspect abuse, ask. She probably won’t admit it. But she’ll know that someone cares. And she’ll think about it later. And the next time someone asks, she might tell them.
2. Tell her that you’re there for her, no matter what. Even if she goes back to him 100 times, she will need you on the 101’st time, when she is finally brave enough to leave.
3. Don’t judge her. Don’t tell her how stupid she is to stay. He already tells her that she’s stupid. Don’t abandon her because you don’t want to watch her mistakes. Be there when she needs you.
4. And most importantly – Share the Brave Woman campaign with others. You can find them on Facebook, Twitter, and on their website.

A New Life

My old boyfriend wanted to be “friends”, and I actually tried to do that. I still didn’t see how he was messing up my head – I can see that now. Then I met a new man, and for the first time I realized how bad my previous relationships had been. I remember our first argument – and he asked me, “Why do you apologize so much, like everything in the world is your fault?” I realized, it was because for years, I had been told that everything that went wrong in the world WAS my fault. Just that realization helped me become even braver – to realize that I was a wonderful person, and that NO ONE deserves to be treated any less than that. Being in a stable, safe, and healthy relationship for the first time opened my eyes to how much I had been manipulated in the past. It was the very first time I’d ever been in a relationship that was just calm, and nice, and normal. Today – 6 years later, I’m still with that wonderful man, and we now have a beautiful baby girl. Change is possible – and you CAN do it.

Take the Pledge

Visit the website today to take the Brave Woman Pledge. By taking the pledge, you commit to acknowledging your own bravery. You commit to speaking up for other women and children who need a voice. You commit to showing support for every woman who make the choice to change their lives. By showing your support and signing the pledge, you’re helping other women know that they’re not alone, and you can help them to become a Brave Woman too.

Share your story

This is such a personal topic, and it was really hard for me to share my own story. But as one of the women in the video says – I’m not embarrassed by my past. The men who knocked me down so much should be embarrassed. I put up with bad situations for far too long – but I did get out. I have changed that part of my life – and although I still struggle with being strong, being assertive, and demanding respect, I am improving all the time. Reading the stories from women on the site helped me – so maybe my story can help someone else. If you’d like to share your own story, please leave a comment below. Do you know a Brave Woman? Are you a Brave Woman? What advice can you share? Let’s help every woman out there become a Braver – share the website, follow them on Facebook and Twitter – the more people this campaign reaches, the more women they can help!

{Disclaimer: This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for CollectiveBias. All thoughts and opinions here are my own, and I’m proud to be a part of this amazing campaign.}